Retreat
by LAG0802
Summary: Tim accompanies Tony on a retreat with his men's support group. The bond between the two grows as they find a safe place to vent their feelings. Friendship only.


A/N: I write only for the joy of putting thoughts to paper. There is no monetary gain from this story. I do not own any part of NCIS or the characters but they sure are fun to play with once in a while. I want to thank my wife for taking the time to proofread.

I thought of this story after Tony started going to his support group this season.

Retreat

The air was brisk in the early light of day. Winter had held on, slowly giving way to spring as the fourth month of the year approached. Nestled deep in the forest of the Blue Ridge Mountains the occupants of the lodge were slowly waking to the smell of fresh coffee.

"Come on, let's get breakfast then we will have time for a hike before we have to head home."

"Won't an extra hour of sleep feel sooo much better," came the voice from under the covers.

"Get up, I'm going to get breakfast and coffee, didn't I hear someone say they were making pancakes this morning?"

"Ok, ok I'll get up, just save me some pancakes."

Sitting at the table with two cups of coffee and two plates of pancakes, Tim greeted the other occupants as they slowly drifted in, drawn by the enticing smells of breakfast. Tim was grateful for this weekend, the last year had been stressful and life changing. He was still dealing with guilt, he should have been with Delilah when the building was hit, he wasn't sure what he could have done differently but he should not have let her go in alone. Now he knew he was trying too hard to be supportive but it seemed as he always said the wrong thing or took things to far. He watched Tony with Delilah, he seemed to know just what to say, he had watched their playful banter, coming up with movies and shows where the lead had been in a wheelchair or disabled in some way, when he tried to do this with Delilah, it came out forced and awkward. Delilah had told him it had worked with Tony but not with him, if he was honest with himself, he had been jealous of Tony at that moment, not that he thought Tony was moving in on his girl, but he wanted to be the one to bring that smile back to her beautiful face, the one to make her laugh and giggle like a school girl on her first date, the one to make her forget, even for a moment that she would spend the rest of her life in that chair.

So deep in thought was he; that he did not hear the chair across him being pulled out as the tall, older man sat. "Earth to Tim, Earth to Tim," Tony said, "Man, you look as if you were some where far away, go off to the Elf Kingdom or something?"

"Very funny, Tony, here eat your breakfast" pushing a plate of pancakes to the other man.

"Thanks Tim, but really what had you so deep in thought?" he asked in a more serious tone.

"Just thinking of Delilah, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't want to screw it up you know. With you she seems comfortable, able to make jokes about the wheelchair, Tony you make her laugh and I just seem to make her self conscious and upset."

Tony sat thinking about what his friend had just said, "You know Tim, humor is kind of my thing, its how I handle stress, and I have had years of practice making people laugh even through the most difficult of times. You are more pensive, more analytical, but you are also incredibly empathic, you don't have to be me, Delilah just needs you to be you."

Both men sat quietly Tim eating slowly and Tony just moving the food around on his plate. "Something wrong with the food," said Reverend Miller as he came to stand by the table.

"Tim, Tony I want to thank both of you for coming to this retreat, I hope you have found your time with us helpful, I know both of you are trying to work out some complicated personal issues, but I am very glad to have both of you here. Tim you are welcome to attend our weekly support group anytime. Now eat up boys and go enjoy some of the sunshine before you head back to the city."

Looking up Tim responded, "Thank you Reverend Miller, the retreat has been helpful, getting some thing's in perspective, I may attend some of the groups." He looked over at Tony who was nodding in the affirmative.

"Reverend Miller," Tony said as he stood up and leaned over to hug the slightly smaller man, "Thank you." He whispered.

With a small smile as he took in Tony's serious expression, "I'm glad I could be here for you, go, go spend some time with your friend. "

Sitting back down Tony said, "Alright." Reverend Miller moved away to check in with the other participants of the men's support group that had attended the retreat.

"Come on Tony, eat or you will be hungry as soon as we hit the trail." Tim said as he took the last bite of his pancakes and took a sip of his coffee.

Tony gave him a sheepish smile and finished eating.

Together the men returned to their room grabbed their jackets, backpacks with some snack bars, water and clean socks. Tim had a map of the trails and Tony added a rescue inhaler to his pack. His bout with the plague years ago had left him with an asthma like condition and he now used an inhaler with a combination of steroid and bronchodilator medication every morning and he had to carry a rescue inhaler with him all the time.

"You're not going to get us lost are you McBoyscout." Tony said as he noticed Tim looking over some trails on the map.

"No, Tony the trails are clearly marked and we are going to take a loop trail that will take us to the top of this ridge then loops back down to the lodge." Tim said as he pointed out the designated trail on the map.

"Poison Ivy!"

"Poison Ivy?"

"Yes, Poison Ivy!"

Rolling his eyes in exasperation Tim said " Tony, What about Poison Ivy?"

"Tim, don't tell me you already forget that time you were covered in it?"

"How could I ever forget that, I had poison ivy in places I didn't think you could get it, so What About It!"

"Well," trying not to smirk Tony said, "I was reading in the hiking book that at this time of year, you can't identify the poison ivy because the leaves aren't out but you can still get it from the vines. The book said not to touch any trees covered in vines." Looking down Tony added, "Just didn't want you to go through that again Tim."

Tim stood looking at Tony for a moment, not sure how to respond to that, finally he said, "Well thank you Tony, I promise I will keep us both away from any viney things."

"All right, then let's get going McHoofit," he said giving Tim one of his big bright genuine smiles.

"Ok Tony, lets go." Tim said as he just shook his head and laughed to himself as he headed to the door with Tony following behind.

As Tim had promised the trail was well marked, the path was clear of large debris and except for a few muddy areas, not difficult to traverse. The ridge they were heading to was not the highest in the area and the grade of the trail was not to steep.

When they reached the top of the ridge the trail leveled off and without the leaf cover on the trees they had a beautiful view of the valley below the west side of the ridge. The sun had risen high enough in the sky and the two men had shed their jackets. Finding an area of flat rocks, near the edge of a drop off, Tony and Tim sat down; Tony put his pack under his head and lay back looking up at the sky.

"Tim, are you going to ask her to marry you?" Tony asked, startling Tim with the question.

Looking out of the valley, Tim bent his knees and wrapped him arms around them. Tony waited patiently, giving the younger man time to think.

When he was ready to answer Tim turned and looked at Tony "Yes, yes I think I am, I just want to wait until she has regained more of her independence, Tony I love her like I have never loved anyone else in my life. Your know, Abby was fun and kind of kinky." Seeing the look on his friends face he quickly added, "Remember like rules of Fight Club, what is said in retreat stays in retreat." Tony nodded in understanding and Tim trusted his friend not to disclose what was said this weekend, he continued. "Delilah, feels so right, so comfortable, after almost loosing her, I know now that I want her in my life forever, however long that is. Have you ever felt that way about anyone Tony?"

Sitting up, Tony brought his knees to chest and wrapped his arms around them as Tim had done. Laying his head on his knees he took a deep breath as he thought through the question, boy, why couldn't Tim have asked him something easier.

Talking into his knees with his voice low, but just loud enough for Tim to hear, he started. " Boy, Tim you didn't start slow, first I am glad that you found Delilah, the two of you do seem to fit, like Palmer and Breena, Vance and Jackie, Gibbs and Shannon, it does seem as if for some people destiny smiles and they find their soul mates." Stopping to adjust his position and lifting his head to look out, he continued, "I thought I had found it with Wendy, she is the only woman I proposed to and when she walked out on me I stopped looking for a forever relationship. I think that's when I became Anthony DiNozzo the playboy. You can't get hurt if you sleep with a different woman every time."

"Is that why you kept the single bed and didn't invite people to your home?" Tim asked.

"Yeah," Tony responded, "I needed a place to just be myself, not the over grown frat boy, not the playboy, not the joker, just me Tony. That kind of got blown apart this last year, first with my father having sex with my neighbor in my bed, having to play host to Ziva, my things getting shredded by gun fire and babysitting, an over the hill rock star that thought it was OK to have a party at my house. If it had not been for the men's support group I'm not sure I would be here right now."

"You mean you would have left NCIS?" Tim asked hoping it was not what he was really thinking.

"No Tim, it means I would have left everything, took a dive off a high building, ate my gun, that kind of leaving." Seeing the look of horror on his friends face, he quickly continued, "I don't think I would have ever really done it, but after all the crap of the last year and then Ziva leaving us, I didn't think I had anything left. You know I wasn't sleeping well. I knew that if I kept up like that I would get hurt or worse I would get you or Gibbs hurt so that's when I found that group. Guess you could say that Reverend Miller and the guys saved my life."

Nodding his head in understanding, Tim hesitantly asked, "What about Ziva, Tony, what really happened between you two?"

"A dream, a dream, that is all we really had Tim. Ziva is an amazing beautiful, intelligent, capable woman and she is also vulnerable, I wanted to be Shrek to her Fiona, Wesley to her Buttercup, but life isn't a Fairy Tale and the prince does not always get the princess. When I went to Israel and we had time alone to talk, I think we both realized that what we were in love with was the idea of being in love. I've seen my father with his endless marriages, Gibbs alone in his basement after his endless marriages and everyday after a grueling job I go home alone, sometimes I am just so tired of being alone. I will always love Ziva and I think she will love me, but not in the way you love Delilah. Not in a way that is forever." Jumping up and pacing he continued, "I'm 45 years old Tim, and every meaningful relationship has been a fantasy. With Wendy, I had the vision of the house with the picket fence, a couple of kids and a dog, but look what happened she left me at the alter, clearly it was not her dream. Jeanne Benoit, boy did I mess that one up, from the start it was a fantasy, I was playing a part and you know what? In the end it was probably the most real relationship I ever had. Tony DiNardo was a nice guy, smart, funny and witty without being a jerk. He was empathic, romantic, and it was the most adult relationship of my life and it wasn't even real!" Tony was now yelling, pacing in agitation and kept running his hand through his hair.

Tim sat and watched his friend, he knew that Tony needed to get this all said, he had been holding it in for too long. Tim was amazed at the transformation in their relationship, in so many ways it was an awful year but he was glad that he had found a "brother" in Tony and he knew that they would always support and watch out for each other.

"Tony, Tony," Tim called out to his friend, keeping his voice calm and soft, patting the ground next to him he invited Tony to sit down again.

Tony sat again but still seemed agitated, with his knees to his chest and arms wrapped around tight, he put his head down and rocked back and forth. Tim reached out to his friend and rubbed circles on his back, in an attempt to soothe and comfort his friend.

"Tony, it sounds as if you put some of the best of Tony DiNozzo in to Tony DiNardo, you are all those things and more, with Tony DiNardo you let down so many of your masks, you were playing a role but it sounds that in many ways you were playing the real you. Tony its time you let the world see the real you. We all play roles in our lives, they work to protect you from getting hurt but they aren't working anymore."

"I know Tim, I just don't know if I know how to be anyone else."

"Tony, you don't have to be anyone else, you just have to be you."

"When did my probiewan become the master?" Tony said as he looked over at his friend "Thank you Tim, I am glad you came with me this weekend."

"Me too Tony, me too."

The two friends continued to sit side by side for a while longer, words were not needed as they had said all that needed to be said for now, each man content in the knowledge that he would always have a friend at his side.

End

LAG 3/29/14


End file.
